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Sh-t My Dad Says

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Sh-t My Dad Says

By: Justin Halpern
Narrated by: Sean Schemmel
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About this listen

The worldwide Twitter sensation: a brilliant new comic voice, and a 100% real father-son relationship that makes Steptoe and Son look healthy....

'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me….'

Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and 'this is the sort of shit he says':

  • 'You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.'
  • ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’
  • ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’
  • ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’
  • ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’

    • ©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers US     Funny Witty Feel-Good Thought-Provoking

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    Critic reviews

    'SMDS shows Justin inherited his father's comedy genes and, as well as being very funny, also paints a great story of regular American family life -- albeit with added swearing.' ( Guardian Guide)
    'Justin's dad says a lot of funny things, and when he decided to update Twitter with some of his old man's pearls of wisdom he became of an overnight sensation. This book includes some of the best quotes from Mr Halpern senior. You will roar with laughter.' ( The Sun)
    'With a million-plus followers, Justin became a Twitter sensation by posting his grumpy 73-year-old dad's 'wisdom'. Now he's produced a book about their relationship. Is it wrong to kind of wish his dad was our dad too?' ( Cosmopolitan)
    'A chaotic, real-life portrait of a father/son relationship.' ( TNT Magazine)
    All stars
    Most relevant  
    This is a funny book. You'll quote bits to your family, even the cringeworthy bits and especially to my teenage son.

    Sxxt my Dad says

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    I listened to this book in one go and I think I'll do it again. The book was read well by Schemmel, the impression of his dad was funny but it's obviously what his dad says that made me laugh the most, especially about him finding the porn tape and why he was taking a girl to Vegas.

    Brilliant.

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    This is such a great book. It will have you laughing out loud I guarantee you. I've listened to this twice now and will no doubt listen again on a rainy day. Mr Halpern is such a great character! His wisdom knows no bounds!!!!

    Hilarious

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    Hilarious, such an enjoyable thing to listen to. Many giggles, and many chuckles were shared throughout this audible. Would Recommend.

    Brilliant

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    I ordered this on a whim, and have listened to it 3 times. The laughs keep coming and the genuine affection that the two main 'characters' have for one another really comes across. Hilariously funny and warm, I'm pretty sure I will return to this book time and time again.

    Genuine laugh out loud book.

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    This audible book was Absolutely brilliant!!! So good, I’m going to listen to it again!! God damn it!

    Brilliant

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    This book was not only really very funny at times, smacking of anyone's parents or grandparents and the general hilarious nonsense they delight in imparting in the name of wisdom, it was also a touching autobiography.

    The relationship between Justin and his Dad is obviously a loving one, and a lot of the comedy is created through his Dad's attempts to educate or support Justin, whether it be an ill-advised spell as a little league coach or a sex-ed conversation gone wrong in front of a bunch of hungover jocks in the local Dennys. In between the often even unbelievable things that Justin's Dad says, which will not fail to raise a smile, there are things that he says which also strike a chord. Especially touching is the love for his wife and children that comes across so strongly despite his cantankerous and short-tempered outbursts that made his fame.

    You should have a listen to this, it's good.

    Surprisingly touching

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    listend to in one go. I'm sure most will relate to at least some of this book. Maybe not as colourful, but with moments of laugh out loud and moments to cringe!!

    funny and honest!!

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    It felt amazing to read this book. You can pick so many lessons from this book and at the same time, have a lot of laughs.

    I must say, his dad is the best

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    Very funny in parts. Well worth listening to. Quite sweary, but in a funny way. Definitely wouldn't have it on out loud if younger ones are about.

    2019 Review- 5*

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