The Brentford Chainstore Massacre
Brentford Trilogy, Book 5
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The Brentford Chainstore Massacre
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Narrated by:
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Robert Rankin
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By:
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Robert Rankin
About this listen
There is nothing more powerful than a bad idea whose time has come. And there can be few ideas less bad or more potentially apocalyptic than that hatched by genetic scientist Dr Stephen Malone. Using DNA strands extracted from the dried blood on the Turin Shroud, Dr Malone is cloning Jesus. And not just a single Jesus, he's going for a full half-dozen so that each of the world's major religions can have one. It's a really bad idea.
In Brentford they've had a really good idea. They're holding the Millennial Celebrations two years early to avoid the rush. It's a tradition, or an old charter, or something. And it promises to be the party of this, or any other, century. Unless, of course, something really bad was to happen...
Robert Rankin describes himself as a teller of tall tales. The Morning Star describes him as 'The Master of Silliness', and his publisher describes him as The Master of Far Fetched Fiction. He is the author of more than thirty novels, of which he has sold millions of copies, and he makes people laugh around the world. Robert loves going on tour, signing books for readers, and his appearances at signings and conventions are legendary, often including a stand-up routine, a song (accompanied by his 'air-ukulele'), and an always-entertaining question-and-answer session.
©1997 Robert Rankin (P)2013 Audible LtdListeners also enjoyed...
Editor reviews
Robert Rankin’s performance of his novel The Brentford Chainstore Massacre once again highlights his gift for comic characterizations and his mastery of British dialect.
This installment of the Brentford Trilogy again stars barstool schemers Jim Pooley and John Omally. And the plot once more is another collection of running gags themed around the end of the millennium: There’s a scientist who hopes to clone Jesus, a Vatican decree allowing Brentford to celebrate the new millennium early, and a man who sold his soul.
Rankin’s performance is highlighted by his raspy British accent and impeccable comic timing.
Critic reviews
"He becomes funnier the more you read him." ( Independent)
"Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life." ( Daily Express)
"One of the rare guys who can always make me laugh" (Terry Pratchett)
"To the top-selling ranks of humorists such as Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, let us welcome Mr Rankin" (Tom Hutchinson, The Times)
What listeners say about The Brentford Chainstore Massacre
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Gary lawson
- 07-07-14
Another great book
Where does The Brentford Chainstore Massacre rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
I love the Robert Rankin books. The easy comedy and the friendly regulars make you feel at home.
Who was your favorite character and why?
O'marley, Handsome, dashing, brave, drunk. Whats not to love. Oh oh and tweed.
Have you listened to any of Robert Rankin’s other performances? How does this one compare?
Up there with the greats.
Did you have an emotional reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
This book will make you laugh and make you cry. Its the literary equivalent to a hot buttered crumpet and an open fire while having a fine Ruby Port poured directly on to your brain.
Any additional comments?
This book is so transcendent and so wonderful it will awaken something in you amazing and beautiful, you will see everything a new, as a child as if the world was born a new, pure and perfect.
Its quite funny as well
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Ruth anderson
- 13-10-18
side-splitting insanity!
loved this (maybe) last edition to the Brentford "trilogy" there's something for everyone with slapstick, puns, fourth wall breaks, violence, love, partieeees, friendship and time travel!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- a williams
- 12-09-20
Another loony episode.
If you like Rankin you will like the barmy story line and the side branches that give the real insight to the underworld of Brentford. If you don't like Rankin, then don't listen to the book.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- K. J. Walker
- 08-08-21
More ridiculousness from the Master of that genre
Apart from Professor Slocombe's relations with our heroes being more tetchy than in the first three books, more vintage nonsense with many laugh out moments read with gusty by the Author.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- lyn Alton
- 27-02-16
best in the series so far
funniest in the series, can't wait for the next one. this was a laugh out loud book
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Taylor's
- 22-08-16
excellent fun
another great book in the series with the author really playing with the reader and superb narration.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- SeaEagle1453
- 21-12-13
A good story but not quite up to Rankin's standard
What did you like best about The Brentford Chainstore Massacre? What did you like least?
The dynamic of Pooley & Omalley is as good as ever. Rankin delivers a quality narration and asks colour and texture to the tales.
It is unfortunately not without its flaws, normally the supporting cast of the Professor and Neville add to the story but not in this one, both seem very oddly unsympathetic to the duo and this seems very at odds given everything that has happened in the previous stories. Old Pete was particularly annoying with the result that I hoped that chips would turn into fenrir and rip him to bits.
How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?
Restore the Professor & Neville to normal (it seems like they have been kidnapped from this tale and replaced by androids).
Have you listened to any of Robert Rankin’s other performances? How does this one compare?
I thought that Rankin's narration went so why to saving this book as if I had read it I might well have given up on it, it just did seem right.
If this book were a film would you go see it?
Probably not unless there were some changes.
Any additional comments?
I do not want to be harsh, critical or unkind but feel that I have to be honest. I really enjoyed the other books in the Brentford series and like Rankin's writing style and narration. Don't get me wrong I did enjoy this book but feel that it fell short of Rankin's normal standard. That might be my expectations being very high but it doesn't match the standard. Sorry.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 05-08-19
Bore through it only because I loved the previous books
The worst thing about this book was Robert’s narration. He should of left it to the professionals unfortunately. Instead he mangled the lines with an author’s commentary implicit in his delivery - landing on the wrong words, missing syntax and sounding like a dad poorly reading a bedtime story to his child, knowing the book is supposed to be funny so trying desperately hard to make the point. The story is thinner than usual and the humour reached for by too clever self consciousness rather than the usual character development. Shane - I won’t listen to another of his audio books. I might pick up another of his books (I’ve read all the series previous to this) but this has put me off for a good while...
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