I’m currently working on a book called Experience by Design, and by currently I mean the last three-plus years. You could say it is a work in progress. But as the saying goes, “progress, not perfection.” When all you see is the goal, it can be hard to see the progress you are making. So making progress I am, and hopefully I’ll have something to share about that soon. If you would be interested in checking out drafts of chapters for this book, drop me a message at feedback@experiencexdesign.com and I’ll put you on the list of feedback providers!

One part of this book deals with Design Ethics and Justice. That’s a pretty big topic to be sure. One theme that I was thinking about is the idea of “service”, and the service economy. When thinking about the service economy, the main definition of it is the implied and explicit obligations that are inherent in the transactional relationship between companies/workers and customers. Because you are a customer, or potential customer, I provide a service for you. My obligation to do so only extends so far that you are a customer (or potential customer).

But that is not the only way to think about service. Service also can be something that is done for someone solely because I am in the position to do so and you are in need of it. The obligation of this kind of service rests in the idea that doing a service for someone is a noble act of selflessness. Doing a service can be thought of as a higher calling, but also a starting point. To do service is to rediscover that one has self-worth, something to offer, can make a difference no matter how small of an act of service one does.

This is why doing service is a foundational part of recovery from substance abuse and other kinds of unhealthy patterns and behaviors. Putting out coffee at a meeting, setting up chairs, cleaning afterward, there are no small acts or insignificant ones. Each act serves a purpose, and does a service. When we do services for others, we can contribute to a stronger community and even a better society. On the other hand, if all of our relationships are only based on transactions, there is nothing to say that I need to do anything for you, nor you to do anything for me.

This episode of Experience by Design dives into ideas of self-worth, trauma, recovery, service, and healing. I welcome Rikki West to the show to talk about her book “The Empty Bowl: Pursuing Truth in a Messy World.”, which she describes as combining “the drama of a personal memoir with the philosophical and spiritual insights of a Zen student.”

Our conversation traverses a lot of different areas and aspects of her life. We talk about starting out with a degree in genetics, only to move to integrating art, dance, and philosophy together for a master’s degree. We talk about her early experiences in the tech industry in the beginning days of Silicon Valley. She tells of how getting laid off in 2001 led to a cycle of desperation that finally culminated in deciding that she needed a change from being stuck in self-pity as her identity.

She describes her voyage of recovery through recovery programs, coming to know the value of herself, letting go of the results you want and accepting the results you get, and how to heal intergenerational trauma. The source of this is finding the inner strength we all have and that we can nurture to be more present in our lives.

Finally we talk about how her work is about sharing lessons of experience, strength, and hope to receptive audiences to help them in their healing journeys. And through this we can experience the world in a more healthy way and form more connected relationships.

Rikki West - https://www.rikkiwest.com/

"The Empty Bowl" - https://www.rikkiwest.com/the-empty-bowl

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Recently my life of skirting the law caught up to me…..twice. My attempt to thumb my nose at the Deep State was met with the power of law enforcement when I was pulled over at two different times for the transgression of an expired inspection sticker for my car. It is now the month of June and my sticker expired in May…..of 2024. So that means for you keeping score at home that the last time my car was inspected was May 2023.

Both times that I was pulled over in the span of one week, I was asked the same question: why did you let your sticker expire for so long?

Fair question. But to provide an honest answer I would have to dig into why I have any of the unhelpful patterns in my life. At first I just forgot to get it done. Then I got ashamed I didn’t get it done. Then that shame just became a larger pattern of my life which came to define me. Then to get it fixed would be to wonder who would I be without that expired sticker?

After the second time getting pulled over, I promised the officers that I would right away get it fixed. And true to my word, I did. $35 and 15 minutes later, I now have a 2026 expiration sticker. I have to say that I feel oddly relieved.

I also have to say that in both cases the officers were extraordinarily nice, and included one trainee who did a fine job with approaching my car.

I think the moral of the story here is that we sometimes need help from others to get over the old patterns of our lives and to create new patterns that allow us to move on in healthier and better directions.

My guest today on Experience by Design also has built a business to help people create a new version of themselves. Anya Cheng is the Founder and CEO of Taelor, a leading men’s clothing subscription service that provides personal styling and curated rentals for their customers. But that’s not all. They help their customers through a combination of expert stylists and AI. So when we are looking for example of AI being used for good, here you go. When you look amazing in your new outfit and people ask, Where did you get that? You can say, AI.

It’s not surprising that AI can help in this way because any time I’ve seen an AI character in a movie, they’ve dressed well and looked cool.

Beyond Taelor, Anya is a Girls in Tech 40 Under 40 honoree, having led eCommerce and digital innovation teams at Meta, eBay, Target, and McDonald’s.

We talk about a range of topics, such as helping customers make changes in their lives, trends in fashion across different cultures, quiet luxury versus conspicuous consumption, long-term launches versus short-term disruption.

We also talk about her career in journalism, and how telling the stories of others and knowing how to stand around both served her well in her career.

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One of the things that I am starting to notice more and more is the difference between “getting older” and “feeling older.” Getting older is something that is unavoidable as long as we’re alive. But I find feeling older comes in waves. I am finding that seeing another child graduate high school is another moment in which I am impacted by feeling older. My daughter Hailey has reached the end of her high school years, which is more bittersweet than my first daughter. This is because Hailey was born with particular challenges that made every year uncertain. The NICU doctor told us “to enjoy the time you have with her.” Turns out that we are 18 years and counting.

With her challenges, college is not an option. But given that we live in a state with good services, she moves onto something called Transitions, which is a program from 18-22 to help develop life skills, job skills, and job placement. As with any graduate, it is an exciting time and a scary time not knowing how her story will unfold. Then again, Hailey’s story has always been filled with a lot of uncertainties, also like any of ours. Every step along the way, she has authored a version of herself that is authentically and uniquely her. As much as we would all like to say the same, I really don’t know how many of us can. The freedom of self expression through which one can shine their own light can be a proposition much scarier than what might happen after graduation.

The story of your life that you are going to write and tell is in large part up to you. Ideally, I think, we would like our story to be written in our voice because it is one that we are writing for ourselves. This isn’t always possible given that our stories are invariably impacted by any number of factors beyond our control. To be able to tell our stories on our terms is a gift.

My guest on Experience by Design knows all about telling stories, and also about the importance of marking time. Michael Drew has spent a career helping people get their stories to a wider audience. A key point that he shares is that we need to find ways of connecting our authentic voice and passion to a broader audience. Michael sees his work as part of a larger purpose, which is being here in service to other people. This process involves building relationships, translating brilliance into actionable insights, and framing ideas in ways that speak to the needs of your audience.

Michael has represented many many best selling authors, so he definitely knows about which he speaks.

We also talk about his other work on the forty-year cycle of history, which is a fascinating topic to explore. It turns out that everything old is in fact new again. These cycles move from “Me” to “We” extremes, which reflects the larger social zeitgeist. Understanding this cycle can explain much of the moments we find ourselves in, and what it means for us individually and as a society.

Was a fascinating chat that ranged across many different areas, but all tied together by a focus on telling our story, understanding the broader moment we are in, living to our purpose through service, and crafting a brand that you can believe in.

And congrats again to Hailey who lives the most authentically of any one I know, and continues to write her own story.

Michael Drew LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelrdrew

Book Retreat Publishing Services https://bookretreat.com/

“Pendulum: How Past Generations Shape Our Present and Predict Our Future” https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15842812-pendulum