This week officious staff at the national gallery leave a bad impression.

Daniel Craig seems to be sporting the latest in parachute wear; the former Bond stars look reminds Giles of an ill-fated inventor in Paris over a hundred years ago.

After the break it’s sober-October and what’s in a name? When it comes to Prostate cancer quite a lot it would appear. Giles tries to re brand the most common male cancer.

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Three questions:

1) What constitutes modern art? A sieve without a handle, a misshapen squash? Esthers patience with the Turner Prize has reached its limit.

2) What’s the difference between a banana and a phone? ...what's a banana?

3) What’s the first rule of customer relations? The customer is always a tw@t.

Plus, the positives of Oxbridge sliding down the university league tables.

And saving the best till last, look out for Giles and Esther’s absolutely fabulous Jane Horrocks impressions.

** Contains strong language from the start

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What is a freebie, how do you get them and do you have to pay tax?

A tale of two particular freebies this week, interspersed with a collection of Giles and Esthers own freebies from the past.

While Lady Starmer has fallen foul of some members of the press for her new dresses, Eamonn Holmes has been scoffed at for taking his lady friend on a cruise. Esther and Giles have sympathy, freebies aren’t all they’re cracked up to be and anyway they’re part of the business, aren’t they…

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