Many sex tips focus on either specific techniques or exploring kinks to improve your sex life, but that’s not what really matters. Studies have shown eight specific elements of great sex: presence, connection, intimacy, communication, authenticity, bliss, exploration, and vulnerability. This is empowering because it means literally everyone has the ability to be a great lover; it just takes time, energy, and attention.

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#CompleteAcceptance #Connection #Intimacy #Presence #Vulnerability #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheScienceofAttraction

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00:00:34 Part one of the Friendship Mindset is the Art of Active Listening.

00:06:12 Pay Close Attention

00:09:17 Be Mindful of the Little Things

00:10:52 Help People Think Out Loud

00:16:03 Restate

00:17:16 Summarize

00:18:10 Reframe

• Give the gift of solid, respectful attention at all times. Listen generously, as though you are prepared to hear the value, the sense, and the meaning in everything you hear. Don’t let your desire to seem like a good listener get in the way of actually being one. Let people know you are listening with small verbal and nonverbal gestures.

• Try not to let your own perspective impair your ability to understand somebody else’s. Start from a position of ignorance and work your way up to real understanding, rather than making assumptions about what other people’s experiences mean.

• To be a good listener, practice restating what you are told, paraphrase that content in your own words, summarize what you’re hearing in a useful way (or else condense things by labeling the core emotion), then potentially reframe the story or gently suggest something new if this might help solve a problem or create an emotional resolution. Do this without assumptions, biases, or interpretations, but with a mind to truly understand the other person’s point of view.

#BeMindful #Concentrate #GoodListener #Listening #Mindful #Paraphrase #PayCloseAttention #Reframe #Restate #Summarize #Paraphrase #Summarizing #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #TheFriendshipMindset #THEARTOFACTIVELISTENING #PatrickKing

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00:01:43 How to Create Healthy Boundaries

00:03:29 How to Set Boundaries

00:14:24 Use DEARMAN for Polite Requests and Refusals

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• Human beings are complex, and not all problems and conflicts can be solved by simply heaping on more and more empathy and understanding. Emotional intelligence means having boundaries that are not too permeable or too rigid.

• Take the time to understand who you are, what you want, and what is unacceptable to you, then take responsibility for communicating that message clearly and directly to others. Whatever type of boundary you are setting a limit for (time, money, emotional energy, etc.), make sure that you are willing to follow through, and not use boundaries to passively control or manipulate others.

• The DEARMAN acronym can help you make requests and refusals while staying polite. It stands for describe, express, assert, reinforce, mindfulness, appear confident, and negotiate. Emotionally mature and intelligent people take responsibility for how they navigate social spaces, and know that their needs and limits are always changing and under constant renegotiation. Real life is messy sometimes; be flexible and open to accommodation.

#AppearConfident #Ask #Assert #Asserting #Boundary #Communicate #Confident #Conversational #DBT #DEARMAN #Decide #EmotionWheel #EQ #HealthyBoundaries #Mindfulness #Negotiate #Relationship #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #OwnYourLimitsWithHealthyBoundaries

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00:00:48 Judi Brownell from Cornell University

00:01:07 Here are the components of Brownell’s model: H: Hearing

00:03:01 U: Understanding

00:05:01 R: Remembering

00:06:48 I: Interpreting

00:08:33 E: Evaluating

00:10:57 R: Responding

00:15:29 Don’t Be a Conversational Narcissist!

00:17:52 Reframe the Way You Understand the Purpose of Conversation

00:18:52 Don’t Jump Ahead

00:20:04 Avoid Advice

00:21:12 Stop Centering Yourself

00:23:06 Watch Out for Passive Conversational Narcissism, too

00:23:56 What If They’re the Conversational Narcissist?

00:26:37 The HURIER method asks us to Hear, Understand, Remember, Interpret, Evaluate, and Respond, in that order.

00:26:53 Avoid being a conversational narcissist, who is someone who uses conversation to gain attention for themselves, rather than connect with others, share, or learn.

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• Good listening is a collection of different skills: hearing, understanding, interpreting, and responding. The HURIER method asks us to Hear, Understand, Remember, Interpret, Evaluate, and Respond, in that order. Remember that listening is active and includes both verbal and nonverbal material.

• Avoid being a conversational narcissist, who is someone who uses conversation to gain attention for themselves, rather than connect with others, share, or learn. Reframe the way you understand the purpose of conversation and understand that it’s not about you or your ego. Avoid giving advice, interrupting (or thinking about what you want to say), or centering yourself in the dialogue. Similarly, don’t be afraid to disengage when you encounter a conversational narcissist.

#AvoidAdvice #Brownell #CharlesDerber #ConversationalNarcissist #CornellUniversity #Derber #DontJumpAhead #HURIER #Narcissist #PassiveConversationalNarcissism #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #TheHURIERMethod

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00:01:48 Karen Huang and colleagues

00:05:35 Chunking Up and Down

00:18:15 When to Chunk Up

00:19:13 When to Chunk Down

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• Research suggests that talking about yourself makes you a little less likeable, while asking questions makes you a little more likeable. Open-ended and follow-up questions especially showed the greatest relationship to likability. People like those they believe are genuinely hearing them, seeing them, and reacting to them.

• Questions that chunk up or down allow you to vary the degree of detail at which you present or request information. Both approaches have their uses, but it’s about balance, variety, and aligning with the other person. Become curious about where a current conversation is and whether it might need more chunking up or chunking down.

#Chartrand #Chunking #ChunkingUp #GeorgeAMiller #KarenHuang #Lacan #Lacanian #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #Question-Asking

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00:03:22 The Perfect Apology

00:04:41 A Mistake Can Be a Good Thing!

00:07:37 1. Express your genuine regret

00:09:50 2. Explain what happened

00:11:20 3. Take responsibility

00:12:24 4. Repent!

00:13:58 5. Offer to make amends

00:15:14 6. Ask for forgiveness

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• Conflict will happen, but what matters is how people respond to their mistakes. A perfect apology can actually strengthen a relationship if it consists of these six parts: expression of regret, explanation of what went wrong (without excuses or blame), taking responsibility, repentance, offering reparations, and a request for forgiveness, in order of importance.

• Good apologies are sincere and match the severity of the offense. Apologize quickly and remember that you are never owed an apology.

#Apologize #EQ #Lewicki #PerfectApology #Repent #Repentance #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #Needs #Limits #Requests #Refusals...It’SAConstantNegotiation

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00:01:18 In an article published in the Journal of Managerial Sciences in 2009

00:01:48 The Different Types of Conflict

00:02:02 Not all conflict is the same—take a look at some variants: Affective Conflict

00:02:23 Substantive Conflict

00:02:45 Conflict of Interest

00:03:02 Retributive Conflict

00:03:19 Conflict in Values

00:03:33 Goal Conflict

00:03:39 Displaced Conflict

00:04:29 The Thomas Kilmann Model

00:05:34 1. Competing

00:06:22 2. Avoiding

00:07:17 3. Accommodating

00:08:01 4. Collaboration

00:08:48 5. Compromising

00:09:36 VOMP

00:09:58 Ventilation

00:10:48 Ownership

00:11:53 Moccasins

00:12:20 Plan

00:14:24 Uh Oh—We Talked and There’s Still Conflict

00:15:21 How to Master High-Stakes Discussions and Stabilize Intense Emotions

00:19:17 How to Navigate a Crucial Conversation

• Conflict is inevitable whenever people differ, but it can be managed with grace and tact. Try to understand the type of conflict: affective, substantive, conflict of interest, retributive, conflict in values, goal conflict, or displaced conflict from somewhere else.

• According to the Thomas Kilmann model, people come into conflict simply because they have different ideas, values, motivations, or wants. There are five conflict-resolution strategies according to degree of empathy and assertiveness: competing, avoiding, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Each has pros and cons and is best used in specific circumstances. Compromising (medium assertiveness and medium empathy) is usually a good bet all around.

#Affective #Collaboration #Compromising #Conflict #CrosbyKerrMinnoConsulting #DisplacedConflict #Emotion #Empathy #GoalConflict #Kilmann #ProfessorAbdulGhaffar #QurtubaUniversity #RalphKilmann #RetributiveConflict #ThomasKilmann #Ventilation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #WhenItAllGoesWrong:EffectiveConflictResolutionPatrickKing