Episodes

  • Buddhism & Worry

    Buddhism & Worry
    Dec 13 2023
    00:05Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss present moment awareness and incorporating Buddhist principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Warry.00:37I have a long history with Warri. I remember being on a road trip with my family during the summer. It must've been like five or six coming up with all of these Warri thoughts about if we had enough gas or how far it was gonna be to the next place that offered food. And my dad, who was great with nicknames, came up with a nickname for me. He called me the designated warrior. My family laughed about it,01:06Worried what he meant by that.01:10Through my early adolescence and teen years, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication and I took that up until I was about 18 or 19. My early 20s, I came into contact with my worried thoughts again. And from my early 20s up until now, I've been practicing meditation as a way to find some grounding in the midst of worried thoughts.01:39I just got back from a week long work trip up in Cincinnati. We do this a couple times a year. There's a bunch of people in the office and new people that I'm meeting for my new position as a business development representative. During this work trip, I noticed that my anxiety or worry was turning up to a new level, getting home from socializing, I would think, oh no, did I make a bad impression? What if they didn't like me? What if they thought I was too quiet?02:08We all do it, some of us more than others. Maybe not everyone, but most people will have these what ifs and if we're not careful, they turn into habits of negative thinking.02:22Worry, like many other patterns of thinking, compounds on itself. So we may have a worried thought. In my instance, I'd have the worried thought, oh, did I make a bad impressions on my coworkers? Then I think maybe I was too quiet. And then if I go to try to fix it and act from that worry, I might say, oh, tomorrow I'm going to do a better job of shaking people's hands and looking them in the eyes and smiling at them as we talk. I'm going to do a better job of that. Oh, but then what if they sense that I'm being fake?02:52Oh man, this doesn't feel very mindful. I'm not being a very good Buddhist. In those moments we are completely in our heads and our bodies and it's hard to step outside of it because the what-ifs feel so real. I'll continue worrying if I don't decouple from the thought that worrying is keeping me safe. We don't worry for no reason and in some way there's some justification inside. Whether it's subconscious or conscious that03:20Boring will keep me safe. It'll keep me on the right path. It's gonna keep me going in the right direction or the direction that I desire.03:28We can slow down enough and step outside of the worried habits of thinking and negative desire. Desire that's based on external circumstances being a certain way. So as we slow down, we use techniques that are available to us to become more present, whether that be awareness of our breathing, awareness of the room we're in, the sounds in the room, whatever we can do to bring our attention back. As we slow down, we can start to03:57Find our own intentions and look at what our intentions are in life. How are we coming at life? Some of the good news about the mental energy of wari is that it's a pretty pronounced energy. It's not as subtle as some other things that we may work with in our meditative practices. Wari is pretty obvious, it's pretty flavorful, pretty strong. It's a good opportunity for us to tune in and become more aware, more present.04:25Warring may have kept us safe in the past. We may have had to worry or think ahead or plan our next move to survive. And there's nothing wrong with planning or thinking ahead. We can really look out for the energy or thought when we start to notice it saying what if. We know that it's usually unnecessary worry. The energy of fear and worry, also usually referenced as anxiety, is like a 10-headed04:53monster, ten-headed dragon, where you chop one off and then another ten can pop up elsewhere. I know that through personal practice where I might work through some area of fear that I'm having and feel good about that and then subconsciously a new worry starts to pop up and then takes me some time to realize what's going on and I say, oh yeah, this is the pattern, this is the energy of anxiety. And I start to see that this is the exact same thing but only presented as a new...05:22thought or image in my mind.05:33It may be hard for us to find an equilibrium in the midst of worry if our environment isn't really conducive to peace. And while we can be peaceful in any situation, when we are starting out and we're working with worry in our life, it's important to use set aside time and space to step away from the objects of our worry and to step away from people and distractions. We do this through regular practices.06:02In Zen Buddhism, they set aside time for...
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    13 mins
  • Buddhism & Masturbation

    Buddhism & Masturbation
    Dec 6 2023
    00:00Hey, so before we start this episode, I do want to give you a heads up that we will be talking about some adult subjects. So if you have any people in your life that you're listening to this podcast with, or you yourself are somebody that feels like you don't want to hear about some very personal subjects, then you might want to listen to one of the other episodes or put on a different podcast. You've been warned.00:27Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I undertake to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments00:57and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. That's out of Thich Nhat Hanh's 5 mindfulness trainings.01:25I want to welcome you to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Masturbation.01:44Bye!01:59First, I want to say thank you so much for joining me on this path together as we learn about and share experiences of incorporating mindfulness, Buddhist or Zen teachings into our modern lives. Thanks for choosing this podcast out of all the other Buddhist podcasts and mindfulness podcasts that are out there. It really means a lot.02:23Understanding Buddhism, Zen, and Sexuality. Anybody familiar with Zen or Buddhism will be familiar with the concept of mindfulness, which is the teaching that one can train themselves to place their awareness in the present moment and through this awareness one can come into contact with truth or the way things are with the Dharma.02:50If you were to look at old school Buddhism, old school Buddhist teachings, the Dhammapada, a lot of these teachings seem to be aimed at monks, people living in a community where practice was at the forefront of their life day in, day out, when they would eat, there was a ceremony, a practice that they would do, when they would sweep the floor, when they would meditate, when they would sleep, all these things were regimented and they were not allowed to.03:18have any type of sexual relations with other people in the organization or outside the organization, strictly forbidden. And in some Buddhist teachings, it was taught that sexuality or sex lust were a defilement of the mind, that they led to endless suffering and rebirth and negative karma.03:47self-pleasure. Sure, some people within monasteries or even lay practitioners view sexuality or sex in the same way that it's a defilement and a distraction from the path of liberation. But then in modern times you also have the Thich Nhat Hanh flavor, which I read that at the beginning there that it's not saying that there's anything inherently wrong with sexuality. It's as natural as eating. However, just like with eating,04:15they recommend a mindful approach, being present, being aware in sexual activity, being present and aware with whom you have sexual relations with, what are the impacts, what is the karma related to these sexual relations.04:32Zen Buddhism has an emphasis on direct experience and awakening through the present moment. Through our meditative practices, whether that's zazen, walking meditation, which is known as kinnhin, or other different various awareness training techniques like oriochi, which is a ceremony, a formal way of eating that's there to cultivate awareness. The core aim is this direct experience.05:01of reality in Zen. And so it's never really been a contradiction in my mind when it comes to base sexuality, meaning not using porn to stimulate the mind or live in some type of fantasy and not projecting a bunch of lust on men or women or people around you if you are present in that sexual act. It's a consenting person, of course.05:27and you can be present and mindful and not lose yourself in some type of daydreaming or projection, then it could become a mindfulness practice. There was a time where I thought, okay, my sexuality or masturbation, self-pleasure, sex, are not in alignment with the teachings of Zen Buddhism or these awareness trainings. But then I also adopted this other viewpoint where I said, okay, maybe I can treat it as a mindfulness training.06:00So that said, where am I at with it now? There was a time for the last couple years that I really didn't put much thought into my use of porn, when or how often I masturbated or had sex or lusted. There was not much emphasis or awareness around those things until I started thinking within the last couple weeks about that. About...06:26Where does my practice begin and where does it end when it comes to my own sexuality? And what is healthy? What is in ...
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    20 mins
  • Buddhism & The Sacred Power of the Present Moment

    Buddhism & The Sacred Power of the Present Moment
    Nov 29 2023
    00:07Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss present moment awareness and incorporating Buddhism into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled, Buddhism and the Sacred Power of the Present Moment.00:54What is the present moment? It's this very instance, this little sliver of experience where everything's happening.01:05Living in our fast paced world, we're told we need to think about what we want to become when we get older. Most of us never really feel like we ever get older. We're always waiting for that big moment to come. The raise, the promotion, the perfect person to come into our life. That moment when we'll feel happy, completed, and everything will be just the way it should be. Our fast paced society doesn't leave a lot of room for the present moment. If someone's caught staring outside the window,01:35at wind rustling the leaves outside on a fall day? They might be asked, what are you looking at out there? Oh, you're daydreaming.01:49I was out to lunch with a friend. A couple weeks ago, Chris and I were sitting down to enjoy an Italian sub. We were talking about religion. Him and his partner are Christians and they've been practicing for a long time. I said, I really don't feel like what the heart of Zen Buddhism talks about is very religious. And I looked at him and I was like, where else do you think God is going to contact you?02:17Can God contact you in the future, worrying about the future, dreaming of the future? Is he going to contact you somewhere in the past in your mind? Or is God going to contact you now in this very moment, this present moment?02:31The heart of Zen Buddhism is cultivating and polishing our awareness and connection to what's happening around us and becoming more and more aware of the subtleties that exist on multiple levels beyond just the surface. The present moment holds huge transformational potential when we start to bring our attention to what is happening in our bodies, minds.02:58experiences, we start to see them as phenomenon. We start to see that thoughts come and go. We start to see that emotions come and go. We start to see the people come and go. We start to see that life conditions come and go. Rich, poor, sick, healthy, young, old. We come in contact with the transitory nature of life.03:30And so then we start to recognize that those things cannot be counted on for any type of security or self. Because if these things are all changing, then who are we?03:43Our sense of self begins to change and what we are is more and more revealed. We are the presence that is experiencing life, experiencing all these changes. We start to identify with the presence that witnesses all of phenomenon.04:02I read on a YouTube quote, one guy left a comment and he says, the longer I continue to do my spiritual practice, the more that I realize that true spirituality is not about becoming something you're not, but it's about letting go of what you're not until the true you is revealed. So that's why Zen Buddhism, it doesn't really force a whole lot down your throat. Yes, there's some precepts and there's some different teachings that you can read, but the real emphasis is on Zazen.04:32practice. The real emphasis is on sitting and being present. Because when you do that, all this stuff that's talked about by the Buddha, you start to experience it yourself. So there is no real need for someone to shove anything down your throat if you are experiencing it in your own practice. But where else can we connect with the sacred other than this present moment, this very instance? When we call it this instance, we lost it.05:01as James Brown would say, in the cut. I'm in the cut. You're in that very instant.05:08I remember early on in my practice, just noticing how my mind wanted to go off so much into the future, into the past, and daydream or complain. And I was really bringing my attention and my awareness into the sensations of the present, whether that was my breath or the sounds around me. I didn't have any significant experiences until one day I was in my sister's backyard in Lake Oswego, Oregon, walking around doing what I understand now was walking meditation.05:38And I remember my eyes catching this redwood tree and this sense of presence being there. I saw the tree as I normally would, but there was an extra depth, an extra layer to it that I connected with. When we try to put words to these experiences, sometimes we lose the significance of the experience. But the best way I can put it is that there was an extra dimension between me and the tree. And maybe it was just the opposite of that, that there was no me and the tree, that I was feeling a connection.06:08a oneness while looking at the tree. And there was not so much an observer and observed, but a connection with. In that moment, the tree seemed to breathe that there was a sense of liveness to this, what I would normally look at as like an inanimate object. That was my ...
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    19 mins
  • Buddhism & Intrusive Thoughts

    Buddhism & Intrusive Thoughts
    Nov 22 2023
    00:06Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled, Buddhism and Intrusive Thoughts.00:51It really doesn't surprise me that I was drawn to Zen Buddhism. And this is an important episode for me because as some of the most listened imperfect Buddhists out there might know, I've struggled with intrusive thoughts or impulsive thoughts for about the last 14 years. And it really was probably the reason I got into meditation at all. The message of Zen Buddhism that we aren't our thoughts.01:21that we are the awareness around and experiencing our thoughts was very helpful to me in those early days and still is. To be able to see our minds as passing clouds, we practice what's known in Buddhism or even now some hippie culture, something called mindfulness. Mindfulness is the deliberate turning of our attention to the present moment and whatever we are doing in that moment.01:50Mindfulness can be emboldened and strengthened through a practice known as Zazen, which is meditation in Zen Buddhism. We do these practices to help us be mindful in our daily lives. And intrusive thoughts or impulsive thoughts, they happen in our daily life while we're feeding the cat or driving the car. Before we delve deeper into the topic of intrusive thoughts and02:20Buddhist philosophy. I want to take a moment to understand a little bit more about what these terms mean and how they impact people's lives. Intrusive thoughts can be described as reoccurring, unwanted, or usually distressing thoughts, images or urges that pop into your mind. They're usually intrusive, hence the name, in nature, and they appear and disrupt02:50well-being. Some people would say that impulsive thoughts are more characterized by sudden urges or impulses to act and usually without consideration for the outcome and these impulses can arise seemingly out of nowhere. They compel people to engage in certain behaviors and as the name suggests, they're hasty or impulsive. In my practice, I've dealt more with intrusive thoughts than impulsive thoughts.03:18Intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts can create intense anxiety, turmoil, and they can create a feeling of being out of control. If we don't have a way to deal with them or work on them and they're left unchecked, of course it's going to affect our relationships, our work, and overall quality of life. Throughout this episode, we're going to explore practical approaches to working with one's intrusive thoughts. And I'm going to share some of my personal experiences of03:47the start of these intrusive thoughts along with some of the success that I've had along the way.04:15Zen Buddhism is a storehouse of antidote for this type of affliction, namely intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts. Shunryo Suzuki said that to follow the path of Zen is to realize that your thoughts come and go of their own accord. You need not serve them tea. And in Buddhism there's this character known as Mara. Mara is the affliction of the world, suffering.04:45and essential what he's saying is that Mara may come into your house. As long as you don't serve Mara tea, he won't stick or she won't stick around. Dogen Zenji said, in the landscape of silence, thoughts appear like passing clouds. They come and go, but the sky remains unchanged. How does one develop a state of being where the last little quotes I read05:13become something that one experiences. One can begin to experience their own thoughts and emotions through the practice of mindfulness, through the practice of developing present moment awareness. And so hence we have the importance of mindfulness in one's daily life. Zen Buddhism offers various practices for cultivating awareness so that when that image pops into one's mind.05:39eventually you can see it as phenomenon. You can see it as static electricity, if you will, the phenomenon of life.05:49I personally deal with intrusive thoughts, intrusive images. The first time it had a significant impact on my emotional health and mental well-being was when I was staying with my sister and her husband and a couple roommates up in Portland, Oregon. My nephew was about a year old at that time. I remember we were sitting in the living room and there was imagery of06:16me doing something to hurt him, I don't remember specifically what it was, or maybe like this underlying fear that somehow that could be something that I would do, and it set off this chain of events. At that point I was not acquainted with any type of meditative training or Buddhist practice. I had no grounding in mindfulness. I was fully identified with my mind and actually to strengthen the06:43The trouble here was I was very into the whole idea of manifestation of the secret, which if you're not familiar with it, it pretty much means thoughts are things and when we think about something or we hope for something, we really can imagine ...
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    18 mins
  • Buddhism & Relationships

    Buddhism & Relationships
    Nov 15 2023
    00:00To love is to recognize. To be loved is to be recognized by the other. Thich Nhat Hanh00:20Welcome my friends and fellow travelers to the imperfect Buddhist, where we get annoyed when our kitties walk all over our recording equipment when we're trying to record a very serious podcast. I'm your host Matthew Hockmahoney, and in today's episode, we're talking about relationships. This episode is titled Buddhism and Relationships.01:08I remember I told my coworker Christy that I was Buddhist, and shortly after she said something along the lines of, Buddhists don't believe in relationships. Sorry Christy if you're listening to this if I completely butchered what you said, but it was pretty much that sentiment. I guess some people outside of Buddhism, or maybe even in certain sects of Buddhism,01:29don't believe in relationships or perhaps in the past in the monastic days they didn't believe in relationships. I know they definitely didn't allow them in most monasteries. There appears to be a wide spectrum of people's interpretation when you say Buddhism and relationships. You have people say that Buddhists don't believe in relationships and then you have like a self-help book on dating written from the perspective of the Buddha.01:56In a more general sense, we have the central idea in Zen of cultivating awakening through present moment awareness. And I think this is a great way to enter into the conversation of Buddhism and relationships. As we grow in our capability of being present with ourselves through meditation or meditative practices, we develop an open, embracing awareness.02:25We practice that on ourselves in silent meditation and our various other ways of practicing. We can extend that same loving, open awareness that we cultivate in meditation to people in our lives, including significant others.02:45When we cultivate that present moment awareness, we also get to experience more of the best things in life because the best things in life are happening in the present moment, including our relationships, our interactions with our partners, our interactions with everybody in our life. It happens right now.03:06you03:16A more generalist view of how things are going in the relationships department in society right now. Relationships seem a lot more complicated than they did back when our parents or grandparents dated. Why is that? I think it's pretty obvious. If you start to look at modern dating, you see some pretty obvious things that stick out as far as dating apps, social media, but then there's some other things that seem like they're maybe not as obvious.03:45A lot of people lack communication skills or the ability to connect to others through conversation, holding a conversation. I know personally, in my early 20s when I left the house, I found it hard to hold conversations with anyone, let alone a woman I found attractive. That kind of put a damper on my romantic life. Not really being able to hold a conversation with someone I felt was attractive because I didn't know how to navigate it. I didn't know how to04:17The way relationships start these days is pretty different. We talked about social media and dating apps, people connecting more on a surface level, obviously looking at somebody liking the way that they look, you can swipe right or left. Also connecting more surface level with what they decide to tell you about themselves in their description. So we have a veneer that we interact with in the dating world. A lot of people04:45We're very self-preoccupied and part of that comes with our culture and social media and the self-preoccupation that our culture pushes through advertising and through media. There's a hero in almost every movie or show that you watch and it's all about that character. And so in a way that starts to form the mind in a way that it's like you're the main character in your movie. So you start to look at your world in that way.05:16I'll read something from If the Buddha Dated, which I've not read the whole book, but this is a nice quote. It says, our refuge is being exactly where we are, not dramatizing problems by replaying them in our heads, telling stories to our friends, eliciting sympathy, and convincing ourselves that this is a very big deal. Our refuge is in the stillness of being the compassionate witness to our panic and fear, not judging it as good or bad.05:44just accepting the what is of the moment.05:48this open awareness that we cultivate in meditation. Usually with our own minds, thoughts and emotions, we carry that into our relationships with our partners. We can hold them in that same open loving awareness, recognizing our true self, it's a funny way of saying it, but our unitedness, our oneness in that relationship, and we can move towards unity. And it's a beautiful thing to be able to share that with a partner.06:17with somebody that you can spend your life with. But we can also experience that unity outside of romantic relationships. So if ...
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    10 mins
  • Buddhism & Inspiration In Nature

    Buddhism & Inspiration In Nature
    Nov 8 2023
    00:00Who will master this world and the realms of Yama and the gods? Who will select a well-taught Dharma teaching as a skilled person selects a flower?00:21Welcome to The Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and applying Zen principles to modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled Buddhism and the Mexican Petunia.00:46Lately, my wife and I have been trying to cut back on our use of the TV as a distraction device. We've experimented with taking the plug out of the TV or taking the batteries out of the remote, and it's never really stuck. This time, we've made it about three days. I've been trying to take more inspiration from nature. I've been trying to take more walks outside along our 1950s neighborhood streets. I've got these brick houses. They all look pretty much the same.01:15This morning I went for a walk at about 6.30 a.m. as the sun was rising. I've been trying to pay attention to the natural world around me and notice things and try to look at the trees and the flowers and the plants without labels, looking to see what this being is in front of me. It's a lot easier for me to do that than it is with human beings. Human beings, we have all of our emotions and projections and wants and desires and all that stuff. So it can be easier for me to start with01:45tree beings and plant beings and bug beings.01:50The name of this episode's an interesting one, Buddhism and the Mexican Petunia. You might be wondering where I'm going with this. But today's episode, we're gonna talk about this Mexican Petunia that's growing outside of my window and the little lessons that I've learned from it over the two years that I've been living in this house. We're gonna learn from this unassuming flower, resilience, embracing impermanence, finding beauty and simplicity, growth and transformation.02:19and non-identification with labels. That's a lot for a little plant that most people consider to be a weed to teach us.02:38We bought our house about two years ago. When we moved in, there really wasn't a whole lot of landscape and we have the classic front and backyard grass. We have a magnolia tree that's beautiful in the spring that has beautiful white flowers. We have various other plants and shrubs. My wife pulled up some and I remember distinctly when we first moved in, there was this one plant that was growing near my office window down the ground, scrubby looking little thing. It looked different than a lot of the other plants around.03:08mowing the yard. I was wondering should I mow it down? And my wife said, oh no don't do that. That's a Mexican petunia. Some people think it's a weed, but it's actually a really pretty flower. So we can just leave it. And the plant wasn't anything special. It has these long spear-like leaves to it. It's got a really dark green, pretty skinny small stem. And so some time went by and I think one or two little purple flowers popped up on it and I just03:37was so blown away that a lot of people would consider this flower to be a weed or a pest. I was really surprised when I saw how beautiful the purple flowers were. Over time, we left it, we let it grow, and a couple small offshoots turned into a whole bush. After being here for a year, springtime rolled around again, and all of a sudden we got all of these beautiful purple flowers, and they're blooming right below my office window, so...04:05I'm sitting at work and I look out the window and this purple flower will catch my eye. I noticed a heavy rainstorm would come and all the flowers would drop. And I was like, oh man, I really like to look at those. And the next morning there'd be brand new flowers. I remember telling my wife, holy crap, like this is an amazing plant. It drops its flowers and it has brand new flowers the next day.04:31The Mexican petunia is very resilient too, with all the really strong storms we get here with wind and heavy rain, or when it gets really hot and humid, or even when it gets really cold too during the winter. It seems like the Mexican petunia just stands there. It's never looked like it's been that surprised by any of the weather. It may not have flowers year round, but I've never really felt like it died back severely or anything when some plants, man, it gets cold for a while and they're just...04:59dead, you have to baby him and cover him and all this stuff. But the Mexican Petunia, it's just made it through.05:17drawing some inspiration from the Mexican petunia and its ability to withstand so many conditions. Not only is it dealing with extreme heat and cold and wind and rain, but also the glaring eye of gardeners who look at it as like a pest. I'm not a plant, but I don't think it's aware of those distasteful glares that it's getting every now and then from our neighbors.05:45reminds me of this section out of Returning to Silence by Katagiri. He says, human beings are apt to attach to the aspect of life called pleasure. This is why we often say enjoy...
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    12 mins
  • Buddhism & Leading by Example

    Buddhism & Leading by Example
    Nov 1 2023
    00:01When you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself. Shunryu Suzuki00:25Welcome friends and travelers along the path. This is the imperfect Buddhist. I'm your host, Matthew Hock Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Leadership, leading by example and the ripple effect.01:07Leading by example can have profound impacts on our relationships, our spiritual development, and the world around us. In a time where so many people, including myself sometimes, want to inspire action in others around them through using force or coercion of some sort, or I guess telling other people how to think and act. I believe leading by example is the ultimate way to make change in the world.01:36This is something that I've been thinking about quite a bit lately, especially with all of the political unrest and people screaming at each other across the aisles on how we should think about gay rights or how we should deal with women's rights and their right to bodily autonomy with abortion. Bud Light in an attempt to appeal to a different demographic, adding certain controversial imagery.02:06and messaging to their cans and being ostracized by both sides of the argument.02:15with things like climate change and starting to think a little bit about how can I play a part in changing people's thoughts around me that don't agree with me. My uncle Tim, for instance, I visited with him on 4th of July and he has some very strong opinions about climate change, that it is a conspiracy, that all climate scientists or the ones that are reporting on this are actually funded by the government. And so how can I get him to see things the way that I see them? How can I get him to see?02:44The science that says, Uncle Tim, our oceans are hotter than they've ever been. Uncle Tim, we've never seen weather patterns like this ever. Uncle Tim, how are they keeping it quiet that certain scientists have been receiving this money? I wanna go into this argument and start to tell him how to think about the subject. So I started thinking more about what does leading by example mean in this situation? Segment one.03:12the desire to change others and leading by example.03:22It's pretty normal to wanna change others instead of leading by example. Maybe it takes less energy or we have the illusion that it takes less energy that if I could just lambast my Uncle Tim, bludgeon him to fucking death with scientific data. The numbers, Uncle Tim's go to the beach, let's go to the water. Dip your toes in, how hot does it feel? Tim, I want you to see things the way that I see them.03:49Maybe it's for some fucked up reason of control. Maybe it's for some other daddy issue. Or maybe it's because I truly care about the environment and I'm freaked out by what's happening and someone I love, my uncle Tim, doesn't see it. And it scares me that he doesn't see it. And I want someone I love to see it and to work with me to make a better situation. Maybe it's easier for me to04:18Point out to Uncle Tim all this stuff and talk about the science, talk about the data, because it's really hard for me to look at my own life and see how am I playing a part in making the situation worse? How am I a contributor to climate change? What are the things that I'm doing or that I could change that would make the situation better? Why do I want to control? Why do I want to bludgeon with my ideas, convince, influence? What are these desires?04:48where actions come from. Looking inside, they come from a strongly held belief, one that I am certain is correct. So there might be the desire to have someone I love or care about see something the way that I see it. Why is that important? Because if they don't believe what I believe, maybe that means they're lower intelligence and I just can't stand for that. Or maybe it's some type of ego gratification where05:14If they're disagreeing with me, then maybe that means I'm wrong somehow and I can't stand for that. And it's also an attachment to a certain outcome. I want the earth to sustain life, human life. I want that. I desire that. I will fight for that. And it's not such a bad attachment, but in Buddhism it is an attachment. And maybe some would say it is a wish for well-being of others, a form of metta, form of love. And that could also be true.05:43But only we can know by seeing ourselves truly. Trying to change others through force has its limitations. How about you? Someone says, hey, Sarah, hey, Mike, hey, John, hey, Christy. Hey, Matt, you're doing that wrong. This is the way to do it. I can't believe you ever tried it that way. Let me show you the right way to do it. And I never want to see you do it that way ever again. You're an idiot for thinking that. What does that bring up for you?06:13And of course that's an extreme version, but of course it brings up resentment, brings up a pushback, and a lot of times it strengthens the behavior we wish to see changed, ...
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    20 mins
  • Buddhism & Love

    Buddhism & Love
    Oct 25 2023
    00:09Welcome to the imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen Buddhism into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Love.00:52Thank you for stopping in and listening. Whether this is your first episode or I don't know what episode I'm on, maybe your 50th. I really appreciate you sticking with me and stopping in. It's been a while since I've shared with you. It's amazing how the days blend together. When I'm working from home, it seems like weeks can go by, months. And even the last couple years seems like they've gone by very fast. And I was looking at...01:19episodes and realized, wow, I haven't talked with you in a while, so I wanted to change that.01:26Love and Buddhism. I had a friend recently when we were talking about Buddhism bring up the idea that some Buddhists don't believe in relationships as far as sexual, physical relationships or marriage. I think I've heard that from other people before. When we're talking about love though, we're talking more about the concept of seeing yourself in someone else, seeing unity. I quote,01:55When you love someone, you have to offer the best you have. The best thing we can offer another person is our true presence. Thich Nhat Hanh. It's being present with somebody, seeking to understand, and eventually even seeing your true identity, which is the presence that witnesses, realizing that's in that other person. You recognize your oneness. Please know that I'm not there yet. This is the imperfect Buddhist. I didn't say I'm completely at this place yet.02:24But I have had visions or insight moments where I've felt that connectedness, oneness, and had moved from my head of thinking about this concept of oneness and actually experiencing it.02:51Love and our culture. How does this topic or concept of love relate to our culture? Love is a word often used in titles for Netflix shows, like Love is Blind. It's used a lot in songs, song lyrics. People say, hey, I love ice cream or I love pizza. I think a lot of people don't have a very deep definition of what love means.03:20We have a culture around love, which is this commercialized version. We have sayings about love, love your neighbor, or I love that pizza, but what does this really mean?03:32I've been married for almost... Oh my God, don't tell my wife I'm forgetting our anniversary, but I wanna say we've been married for six or seven years. At the time when we were dating, I was reading this book called The Road Less Traveled. It had a pretty profound impact on my life and the way that I look at reality. When I met Amanda, we both read that book together, and it has a really great definition of love. And so I'm gonna read that for you. M. Scott Peck, the author, defines love as...04:00The will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. Actually, that was my first real definition of love. It gave new meaning to the word love. Before that, love was something that was thrown around in songs or in pop culture or something you'd say in a sentence, but it didn't really have any real meaning.04:30My own journey with the concept of love has been evolving quite a bit lately. I recently started the book A Course in Miracles, which is definitely not in Zen or Buddhist tradition, but it has a lot of powerful things to say about love, about human experience and what it means to be connected with other people. The author claims that they...04:58channeled this work and it seems to be written from the viewpoint of Jesus. I know that is enough to make most people's eyes roll and typically would make my eyes roll, but I gave it a try because somebody that I really respect in the mindfulness teachings mentioned it and said this is a really powerful book and make up your own mind. So I did and I have gotten a lot out of it, especially around the concept of love and action in05:26love's role in life. Through reading it I am starting to recognize love as an experience and a phenomenon rather than just a thought or an action. That there is this energy of love that we can experience. We can also be the transmitter of love. This is all sounding new agey but all that means is that we choose loving action. We choose to see people as ourselves and treat them accordingly.05:56quote from A Course in Miracles, teach only love for that is what you are.06:04The idea in A Course in Miracles is that there is only love, everything else is an illusion and a fiction created in the minds of men and women and that awakening is coming home to that reality that there is only love. In Buddhist texts, the Dhammapada says, hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love. This is the eternal rule.06:49I want to talk a little bit about the reality of applying some of these concepts in my own life. A lot of my practice comes up in work. That makes sense, right? I spend a lot of my time other than sleeping or at home at work. There's a ...
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    16 mins