You heard right, Pho-Cal Heads. This old pod is movin’ on to quieter, less-audible pastures. It’s proven too much for Johnny’s delicate system, and he’s told Tony at the worst possible time! Johnny apologizes. Tony accepts. Even with its somber tones, this episode does not lack a description of Tony’s fulsome toilet leavings. It is still an episode of The Phoney & Call-y Show, after all. Outstanding finances are ironed out, the merch is sold off, and the audience is treated to one, final, undeserved dressing down. Then, Tony contends with an epic Johnny’s Game where all of Johnny’s remaining questions are disposed of. As the receiver is laid down in the cradle, for the last time, our hosts feel immense gratitude for all those who took the time to listen…and searing contempt for the many more who did not. Now, if you will, please remove your Bluetooth headphones, go out into the world, and cough on someone. We love you. Goodbye.

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We start with some real, nice energy and momentum. The babies sing a little. Then it all hits a brick wall when Johnny holds forth on his ramen lunch. Who cares, Johnny?! Tony talks about his booster experience, which yes includes anal gel! Which I think has been discussed in like four or five episodes now. Tony does an impromptu and FREE ad for the coffee company that, up until now, has been happy to pay to advertise. Then we get into proper etiquette at Duane Reade and how to make a nice, homemade bleu cheese dressing! Tony gives great plugs, and Johnny displays his dirty water bottle!

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00:40:52:01

Johnny has gotten the new COVID booster. And it has provided him with firsthand knowledge of the mysterious “anal gel” that Tony is always talking about. Tony feels vindicated. Johnny feels dirty. They discuss Tony’s recent health ordeal, his ongoing battle with his live-in insects, and there’s some confusion over the name of the Auntie Anne’s pretzel franchise. Then, the simply-effervescent Naomi Ekperigin comes on, clears up the pronunciation of her last name, and immediately wants health advice from the lads. Naomi, it should be mentioned, is recording from a safe house, having fled her husband who, despite his years of diligence, has come down with COVID. Johnny is quick to remind everyone that contracting the virus instantly makes one stupider. No one likes to hear that, but they cannot refute it.

The boys are ready to record. There’s only one problem…they don’t have a guest! They happen to be chatting with pod-fav Gil Ozeri, and they think, “Why don’t we muscle him into being a guest again?” So they do! They rope him into recording, last minute, and blow a big hole into the middle of his busy day! And Gil delivers, yet again. He quick-scarfs some eggs, and is ready to insult Johnny’s grandfather, judge Tony for his grape preferences, and talk about his lusty youth as a gas station attendant in the West Bank! The trio trade near-death experience stories and a brand new, never-before-seen dimension of Tony is revealed! When it comes time for Johnny’s Game, the contestants aren’t satisfied with the standard 3-question format and demand more! 

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O momentous day! It’s the 50th episode!!! And guess what? It’s never mentioned once. The hosts forgot! Luckily, they do remember to talk about their massive shits and whether it’s okay to touch squirrels. Oh, and Johnny’s new duvet cover has arrived…if anyone’s still interested in that plotline. Jeff Hiller joins the party, and he seems somewhat interested! They discuss Jeff’s LONG long-distance relationship with his husband, his hit new show Somebody Somewhere, and how tiresome it was to do improv with straight men. (Present company…excluded?) Siren sounds blast into Jeff’s apartment, and it becomes clear that his window is open! In New York! Recording a podcast! Tony wins another Johnny’s Game, and then he and Jeff make a tentative plan to get coffee.

Wee oo wee ooo! It’s a medical emergency! John’s father is in the hospital, and that means two things: The boys are very concerned, OBVIOUSLY. And Tony has to say “I’m very sorry” to Johnny, in a sincere and solemn tone. Johnny laps it up! Then comedian, podcaster, and John’s-cousin Rob Stern comes on. He, OF COURSE, is also very concerned about his beloved uncle. Perhaps even more-so. Growing up with multiple siblings seems to have invested him with a sense of empathy and familial duty that Tony & Johnny, the products of solitudinous childhoods, appear to lack. They talk about their shared grandmother’s creepy house, and then Rob shakes off his empathetic concern just long enough to insist that the boys play a promo for his upcoming podcast, The Rob Stern Show. Check it out!

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The boys begin with some clutch accent work, then get into what good drivers they think they are. Listeners are encouraged to take a thorough self-inventory and decide whether or not they are a shitty driver. Johnny brings up his shredded comforter, believing the topic will be interesting. Tony maintains a good face but honestly seems a little bored by the topic. There has, after all, been a lot of bedding talk, on this podcast. When Andy Daly comes on, he and Johnny discover they both have the same microphone! They go over the free audio equipment they’ve received during the pandemic, the budget woes of their respective TV shows, and Andy’s belief that he could beat a police interrogation. After two straight weeks of guests not enjoying Johnny’s Game, Andy puts in a tremendous showing, and we’re back on track!

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Tony is glistening. He’s comfortable to let Johnny believe it’s sweat from his toils, but really he’s just gotten out of the shower! Johnny is behind on his Zoom updates and makes some brilliant observations about the usage of multiple decimal points in software versions. Then, in a 2nd Fourway segment, co-hosts of the podcast Keeping Records Shelby Wolstein and EJ Marcus come on to talk open concept design, piss strength, and their relatively-new friendship! Tony grapples with the disappointment of yet more guests who have not seen For All Mankind. And Johnny is gutted by a second week in a row where Johnny’s Game has dispirited the guests. Everyone says a favorite pastry, and we’re out.