You know that Seinfeld episode where George is waiting for his childhood friend, a recovering alcoholic, to make his amends, but the apology never comes? The episode is called “The Apology,” and it’s based on George’s understanding of one’s 12-step obligation to apologize for harms done to others.

The episode is funnier to me after having walked through Step 9 making amends for wrongs I’ve done to others. I’ll always wonder if someone out there is waiting for an apology from me. The problem for me is that blackouts, a classic occupational hazard of a drunk, mean I don’t remember half the things I might need to apologize for.

I’m bound to righting the wrongs in my life, and that includes the harm I did to myself. Not only did I damage my liver to the brink of irreversibility, but I had to begin my amends with forgiving myself for the emotional self-harm I’d inflicted for decades. I stunted my growth, stole opportunities from myself, and neglected caring for the only body I get in this life. Forgiveness starts within ourselves.

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