- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

He “caused” our problems and yet once again the focus and everyone’s attention is on him. The family income is being used by him again for his benefit, on top of the spend he has already enjoyed on his addiction. It’s just not fair. I am left here with his stuff and don’t know where to go or turn for help for me. That just is not right and is not fair. I feel so.....

This is an understandable reframe don’t you think? But there is help for partners of sex addicts.

What could the programme look like for a Partner?

• Teaching and discussion on the following:

• Definition of sex addiction and Love addiction

• Common understandable error patterns which partners fall into and battles you will lose

• The role of the addiction

• Preparing an Impact Statement

• Partners absolute “No No’s”

• What can we learn about “Adult/Parent/Child” ego state interactions

• Family of Origin, contributors and what set up the addiction

• You are not alone

• Effect on the stars - Hollywood, Professionals, the good and the great, across the board - all are susceptible

• Evolution of the sexual template and map

• Cycle of addiction

• Boundaries

• Full disclosure of “secrets”

• Polygraph or not to Polygraph

• How much should I ask about his past behaviours?

• Trust, money, healthy sexuality

• Self responsibility & self care

• Own support groups/ Friendship (including the not so wise choices)

• Attachment, Shame, Narcissism, Co-dependency

• Grief cycle

• Questions women ask; hope, fears and reservations

• Disclosure: family and the children

• Legality issues

• Restoring the relationship or leaving the relationship

• What can you take home from the Stage play “Accidentally Brave” : "In this unflinchingly honest one-woman play, Maddie tells an inspiring true story about discovering a new normal when everything she thought she knew came undone….. is an inspiring true story about discovering a new normal when the familiar world falls apart, a must-see examination of what it means to navigate a world with no certainty.

• Recommended reading

Let The Kairos Centre accompany you - as a Partner that is impacted.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

If you are in a partnered relationship, re-build integrity with yourself by signing a 'Couples Recovery Plan'. Recovery - in a partnered relationship - is about the partnership, not only about your recovery at all.

Your signature on the 'Couples Recovery Plan' can bolster your commitment to be faithful to your word/your signature - to use 'best endeavours' to achieve the outcomes in the Couples Recovery Plan. It can get you a long way into your sobriety in the early start-up.

Get one. Sign it. Commit to it. Begin.

Your priority motivation must be a right one. If your priority motivation is a wrong one, then you will soon flounder, even though you started out well intended and it was all a very laudable attempt.

Saving the couple relationship is not a good enough reason. You will flounder and not achieve sobriety for very long. "Rather Harsh Gary?" "Yes, I know!"

Doing the right "Preparation" work (in the Stages of Change Cycle), is vital to your success. Prepare your mind with the right motives.

Let The Kairos Centre teach you how to do so.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

The ability to quickly recognize fearful situations and other emotional signals, may be critical to survival, as it enables us to detect potential threats. The amygdala is believed to play a central role in these processes.

The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure deep in the brain, located on the medial surface of the temporal lobe, which processes both positive and negative emotions. Brain scanning studies show that the amygdala is activated in response to fear, even when it is not real. There is a caveman/cavewoman instinct still activated in modern society, even when the danger is not from a Saber-tooth tiger, but an appraisal, an exam, presentation or something innocuous.

The trigger may come from watching a movies; from a text message; from anxiety, stress, loneliness, anticipatory fear. They may not be real; but feel real to you.

The brain's response may cause the amygdala to inappropriately fire and move you into a fight/flight/freeze response; which for you, may take the form of Dissociation, panic, self-harming, attack, conflict or a multitude of responses. The Autonomic Nervous System has kicked in. If you cannot sleep and still await at 2am in the morning, try reading about it - called The Polyvagal Theory. (I can send you some info if you want to request them).

The front lobe (Prefrontal Cortex) - the rational thinking part of the brain - responds to the cue from the Amygdala and goes off-line, as a survival activation. ("But it isn't a real survival/life or death situation brain"!). "We don't believe you" - says the brain. "We are just doing our job".

The Emotional part of the brain - The Limbic System - takes over and starts making some major bridge burning decisions, without consultation. ("I feel, so I do". Not "I feel so I think").

Use the "Special Place/Calm Plan/Relaxed Place/My Place Exercise" to keep or bring the Rational thinking part of the brain back online and cause Dissociation to recede. Let The Kairos Centre teach you how to do so.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

They are called the 4 Elements tools - which I teach my EMDR ("trauma") clients. These self-soothing - much more healthy and positive impacting (but still are hamster wheel/repetitive/habit/neural pathway activities) - become the new "go-to" practices.

In other words, instead of defaulting to the previous negative hamster wheel behaviours, you learn to default to these positive ones - that are used repetitively. Get it?

They work. They can help you bring your Pre-Cortex (intellectual reasoning frontal part of your brain) back online; whilst reducing the controlling Limbic part of the brain which has taken over major decision making - based on "I feel, so I do".

The intention is to quickly get you back into equilibrium - into homeostasis. Come on a journey with The Kairos Centre and let us equip you with these tools.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

If you understand The Stages of Change, may be you will not be so hard on yourself and be liberated! May be you are not defective, weak, a worse case, a hopeless case or an unfixable case.

Stop beating yourself up, since you are facing the same Relapses as those trying to quit smoking, stop binge eating & other eating disorders, gambling, drugs, gaming and many other compulsive behaviours. You are not being weak.

Yes, you may lack motivation; but probably more about lacking the correct tools for the actual Stage that you are at. If you have put yourself in the wrong Stage, then the tools to enhance your recovery (in that stage) will be blunt, if you are in the wrong Stage.

Want to know more? Contact The Kairos Centre.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

I need only a few words to summary this episode. The slippery slope of mis-using Technology, will always cost you more than you had bargained, in many aspects of life.

The world of AI, VR, Silicone full size sex dolls (childlike or sex slave like), will take you down at some point. It may not be for 20 years before doing a look back to count the cost of the severe adverse consequences of chasing the ultimate experience.

Get off the slippery slope. The stuff will bite you in the bump at some point. It will all - always - end badly.

Contact The Kairos Centre to help you.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

"Sticks & stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me".
That's not true! words do hurt. That means positive words can heal wounds.

Hence, the basis for reciting "Pillars" - which are words that are spoken over yourself three times a day, every day. They can re-set you throughout the day, as a distraction technique; distraction from the objectified images which are being replayed in the minds-eye.

Those objectified images are giving a drip, drip dose of those potent neurochemicals over days and so it is no surprised when days later you get a powerful sense of wanting to "Act out". Where did that powerful feeling come from? It came from the drip feed build up over time, from objectified images.

Here is a snippet of one of the 12 Pillars:
"My brain can change. My brain can be my best friend. It can also be my worst enemy. If I do positive things in my life, it is because of the neural circuitry that exists in my brain. If I do negative things......"

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

For example, the highest download of porn is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. What are those hours? Where are most people, during those hours? What do most contracts say about being caught having downloaded such material at work? What consequences flow from exposure? Then why take that level of risk?

Don't use logic when considering these questions. The part of the brain that does logic, is the Frontal Lobes - the Frontal Cortex (which analyzes, problem solves and learns).

Problem. When triggered to do the behaviours, very soon afterwards, the Frontal Cortex goes offline and the Limbic system (deeper in the middle of the brain) - takes over. It is the Emotional brain, which responds to feelings and emotions and triggers the Amygdala (the smoke alarm part of the brain) - to do something, to bring back stability of mood; to bring back homeostasis.

(Understand homeostasis by closing your eyes and stand on one leg. Most of us instinctively want to hold out our arms to balance us. So it is with the Amygdala and Limbic system).

Problem. The behaviour of choice, is what is well-used and has repeat hamster wheel activity about it; the automatic - autonomic system - 'go-to' behaviour; because of the neural Pathway carved out from repetition.

The logic (that the chosen activity has "Harmful Consequences") - is not being made in the Logical part of the brain. You could say - there is compromised brain functioning. A Recovery Programme, will want to provide tools to help better manage emotions and keep the logical brain online. Get it?

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |