Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

It’s Independence Day, and Embert is not here for your drunk uncles, TikTok firework fails, or casual disrespect for what the day really means.

In this explosive episode:

• The difference between patriotism and nonsense

• A plea to stop terrorizing pets and old men

• A rant on freedom, sacrifice, and flaming lawn chairs

• And one cranky veteran’s guide to celebrating like you actually give a damn

If you still think the Fourth is just about beer and bangs, this one’s your wake-up call wrapped in an American flag.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes chasing teenagers off his driveway with a garden hose and a pocket Constitution.

Season 4, Episode 60 – “I’m Not an Employee, I’m Just Old and Angry”

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s blood pressure spikes as he rails against the tyranny of self-checkout lanes.
He didn’t sign up to become a cashier. He just wanted batteries—and maybe a little respect.

In this firecracker episode:

• The indignity of being your own bag boy

• The myth of “efficiency”

• Glitches, freezes, and false accusations

• And why self-checkout might just be retail’s final insult

If you’ve ever muttered “unexpected item in bagging area” in your sleep, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes trying to scan a can of beans for the fifth time.

Ask ChatGPT

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s blowing a fuse over smart appliances that aren’t so smart.
From toasters with settings that require a tutorial to fridges that want your Wi-Fi password, he’s had it with modern “convenience.”

In this one:

• The washing machine that sends text messages

• The fridge that can stream music but not chill milk

• The rise of surveillance kitchenware

• And why Embert misses the glory of buttons, knobs, and things that just worked

If you’ve ever had to download a firmware update to make toast, this episode will soothe your analog soul.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes yelling at the dryer for asking for his location.

Bonus! Embert has no way to end the recording so goes on for several more minutes before "pushing a button" that either launches a nuke or ends the recording.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s got a message for the snowflake generation: not everything deserves a trophy.
From t-ball leagues handing out gold for last place to “Most Enthusiastic” ribbons that belong in a trash can, he’s fed up with the cult of empty praise.

In this episode:

• Why losing builds character

• What real achievement looks like

• The truth behind “Most Improved”

• And why the only trophy Embert ever earned was a chipped tooth and a handshake

If you think failure is mean, this episode is your wake-up call with a side of tough love.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes yelling at a youth soccer team.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Today, Embert goes to war with the rise of online customer service—a battlefield littered with chatbots, hold music, and “agents” named Steve who clearly aren't.

This rage-filled rant covers:

• The absolute joke that is “live chat”

• Voice menus that require a PhD to navigate

• Why he’ll take a rude human over a friendly AI any day

• The hold music trauma that still haunts him

• And the future he wants: robots that fear us, not “empathize”

If you’ve screamed “REPRESENTATIVE!” into your phone like a lunatic, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finally gets disconnected in peace.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert straps in for a turbulent takedown of everything wrong with modern air travel. From TSA humiliation rituals to overpriced snacks and people dressed for a sleepover instead of a flight, he’s fed up and airborne.

Highlights include:

• Why flying in pajama pants is a national embarrassment

• The death of airline dignity and peanuts

• Crying infants, support animals, and support humans

• Seats designed for stick figures and elbows of fury

• And a reminder that no one needs three carry-ons and a beanbag chair

If you’ve ever looked around a boarding area and thought “This feels like a hostage situation,” Embert’s with you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert reclaims his overhead bin space from a guy named Skyler.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert has had it up to his bifocals with group chats. From nonstop pings and pointless polls to emoji abuse and unsolicited brunch updates, he declares war on this digital nightmare disguised as “connection.”

Inside the rant:

• What it means when your phone buzzes 63 times in 10 minutes

• Grandson’s ridiculous defense of the “family vibe”

• The dangers of GIF overload

• And a plea for the return of personal dignity and peace

If you’ve ever regretted typing “Sure, add me to the group,” this episode is your emotional support bat signal.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds a chat-free corner of the internet.