When I left my sister's on Thanksgiving afternoon, I hugged her goodbye and suddenly broke into sobbing tears. There were so many emotions tangled up in that moment. I think the love and gratitude for being around my family members all at once—something I hadn’t experienced in a year and a half—was overwhelming. And then I was exhausted, navigating my chronic condition throughout the visit, which had taken its toll.

But what I focused on after that was gratitude. If I wasn’t sober, I wouldn’t have felt any of those deep emotions. As part of my sobriety program, I had the chance to make amends to people I care about whose lives were affected by my drinking. Recently, I was reminded that making amends isn’t about how the other person responds. It’s about how I live after I’ve handed it over. Their response isn’t the focus—my response is. I focus on living out a lifelong amends.

As life keeps ticking by, I’m learning to focus on what I can control rather than what I can’t. I’m learning to live without expectations. And I’m learning that my past follows me like a shadow—until I pause and take the time to set it free.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#GratitudeJourney #Sobriety #LivingAmends #ThanksgivingReflection #FamilyHealing #SobrietyGratitude #LettingGoOfThePast #HealingThroughLove #FocusOnWhatMatters #ShadowToLight

In the movie Talladega nights, there's a scene where Will Ferrell is being interviewed and his hands keep rising up into view. He says, “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” Having spent most of my life with a wine glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other, I didn't know what to do with my hands when I stopped drinking. I watched what other people who weren't drinking did with their hands. Isn’t that fascinating?! I practiced holding my hands by my sides no matter how icky and uncomfortable it felt. I practiced talking with my hands. Eight years later and my hands are a comfortable part of my body now.

With Thanksgiving upon us, I have been reflecting over my years of holiday drinking. It’s easy to romance the drink when I reflect on these happy times. I have to play the tape forward though to remember the life-threatening ending to my drinking career.

I often say about my drinking behavior that I was having a party, and I was the only one comin’. Alcohol intensified my feelings of happiness and fun. I didn’t notice that nobody else was drinking like me.

This year I’m grateful for the fun I’m going to have

cuddling my new great niece Paisley

sharing my Moroccan soup and strawberry banana bread with family

This year, I’m especially grateful for the rare gift of being surrounded by loved ones all at once—a blessing I didn’t fully appreciate until my disability made those moments harder to come by.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#SoberHolidays #LivingSober #GratefulHeart #HolidaySobriety #SoberLiving #FunWithoutAlcohol #ProfessionalPartier #ThanksgivingGratitude #RecoveryJourney #FindingJoySober #soberfun

How often do you hear yourself saying these phrases:

I'm gonna…

I will try…

I want to…

I have to…

I need to…

These phrases are excuses to not DO today. Try saying “I will…” And see how this small change feels. It helps to not future-trip, and instead be a daily planner. It's 24 hour living.

Do today what you will be proud of tomorrow.

I spent way too long regretting the day before. I lived in the future and regretted the past.

In my career, I was always chasing the next title. When I had to stop drinking, I thought I’d never have fun again. When I was forced to medically retire, I feared I’d never amount to anything. But I was wrong. Sobriety and retirement didn’t mean losing myself—they meant finding myself. These changes gave me the opportunity to truly enjoy being me. Without the distractions, I’ve finally come to know—and be grateful for—who I am.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#LivingInThePresent #24HourLiving #DoItNow #FindingYourself #DailyPlanning #SobrietyJourney #SelfDiscovery #GratitudeInRecovery #NoMoreExcuses #EmbraceChange

In high school, I didn’t fit into any clique. I felt ‘less than’ because I had no Guess jeans, no homecoming court, no dreamy prom date, no cool car. I felt most like myself when I was alone in my room crying and listening to sappy music. Then, I met alcohol— my “true love,” and I built my life around it, year after year.

At first, I surrounded myself with others who drank like me, but over time, I drank more than everyone else—but it didn’t matter anymore. If everyone passed out, I’d stay up and finish what was left. I didn’t need anyone to drink. I lost myself, replacing self-love with ridiculously hurtful relationships, thinking someone else’s affection could make me happy.

When I finally stopped drinking, I thought I’d lose myself entirely and never have fun again. But instead, I discovered something incredible: the real me. I actually love being me. Sobriety became the path back to the person I always wanted to be.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#SelfLoveJourney #SobrietyIsFreedom #RecoveryStory #FindingMyself #HealingThroughSobriety #LoveYourselfFirst #OvercomingAddiction #EmbracingAuthenticity #PathToSelfDiscovery #MentalHealthAwareness

For years, I swore that people don’t change. This mindset was a huge handicap for me. Not only was I denying others the grace to be imperfect, but I was also holding grudges and not fulfilling my role in relationships to be forgiving and kind. Likewise, I wasn’t giving myself a chance to grow. It kept me stuck on a path of self-destruction and isolation which landed drunk and alone, thoroughly broken, and calling to reserve a bed at the INOVA CATS detox facility in Fairfax, VA.

I convinced myself that people were incapable of becoming someone different. After being hurt for so long by other people, I just figured that I was stuck as the person I had become. I gave myself an excuse to stay the same—to not do the work to change the things I could. Why try only to be hurt again? This mindset protected me, yet it trapped me as well.

I haven’t just experienced change myself; I’ve also witnessed remarkable transformations in others:

Lost to Luminary

Suicidal to Spiritual

Hopeless to Heroic

Depressed to Deliberate

Shameful to Serene

I can keep going, but you get it.

There’s this thing called neuroplasticity, which means our brains can rewire themselves—you CAN teach an old ‘dog’ new tricks! Behavioral change is possible with willingness, consistency, and most importantly for me, support from others who genuinely want you to succeed. You CAN change.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.
#PersonalGrowth #ChangeIsPossible #RecoveryJourney #Neuroplasticity #BehavioralChange #Forgiveness #Sobriety #Transformation #HealingFromWithin #SelfImprovement

The other day I was outside on our new deck, and a warm gust of wind lifted dozens of leaves off a nearby tree followed by a stillness that cradled the leaves weightlessly for the better part of a minute. They slowly drifted down to the ground. It was magical, and I said out loud, “maaannnn.” Then I whispered quietly to my understanding of my higher power, “thank you.”

Life seems to keep getting better. Can you believe that? Alcoholism, stroke, and invisible illnesses galore, yet I still wake up every morning with intention. Most days I wake up with a headache and feeling of a hangover—the irony is not lost on me—and I begin seeking solutions:

Drink more water today.

Dial in to your 7am daily sobriety meeting.

Fill up a perfect cup of coffee.

Stretch.

You know that moment when you step into the sunlight on a cold day? The combination of icy cold air and the sun warming your skin creates a perfect balance. I think it feels like you’re standing right smack in the middle of two seasons. When life feels like this, and it often does, I turn my face to the light.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.
#WinterMagic #SobrietyJourney #GratitudeMoment #HealingJourney #LivingWithIntention #FindingTheLight #MindfulLiving #RecoveryIsPossible #NatureInspires #LifeAfterAdversity

You know that Seinfeld episode where George is waiting for his childhood friend, a recovering alcoholic, to make his amends, but the apology never comes? The episode is called “The Apology,” and it’s based on George’s understanding of one’s 12-step obligation to apologize for harms done to others.

The episode is funnier to me after having walked through Step 9 making amends for wrongs I’ve done to others. I’ll always wonder if someone out there is waiting for an apology from me. The problem for me is that blackouts, a classic occupational hazard of a drunk, mean I don’t remember half the things I might need to apologize for.

I’m bound to righting the wrongs in my life, and that includes the harm I did to myself. Not only did I damage my liver to the brink of irreversibility, but I had to begin my amends with forgiving myself for the emotional self-harm I’d inflicted for decades. I stunted my growth, stole opportunities from myself, and neglected caring for the only body I get in this life. Forgiveness starts within ourselves.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.
#LivingAmends #ForgiveYourself #RecoveryProcess #SelfHealing #SobrietyJourney #SelfForgiveness #MakingAmends #EmotionalHealing #PersonalGrowth #TwelveStepProgram

Before sobriety my life was an endless feed of wants and waiting for the next better thing to fill the void. I always focused on what I didn't have yet and spinning stories in self-talk without happy endings. I never viewed ordinary moments with acceptance and gratitude.

When I started my podcast, I wanted my job back. I didn’t want to be in medical retirement. I didn’t want to feel like I’d been forced to leave the role I loved while “everyone else got to stay.” It felt deeply unfair. I didn’t feel like a “survivor”; I felt like a victim. I mourned the loss of my professional relationships and feared I was missing out on everything that had once defined me. Now, I can see how loneliness, the fear of missing out (F.O.M.O.), and a lack of inner peace were all intertwined.

When I neglect my basic needs—those foundational layers of Maslow’s hierarchy—I am stuck in that same cycle of wanting and waiting. My soundness of mind is interrupted when I lack acceptance, knowing that in this moment I have more than enough.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.
#RecoveryJourney #SobrietyStory #Gratitude #PeaceOfMind #MaslowHierarchy #LettingGo #Acceptance #MentalHealthAwareness #FOMO #InnerPeace #LifeAfterAddiction #SelfGrowth #RecoveryDailyPodcast #FindingBalance #HealingJourney